I just finished a good book - Gregor the Overlander. It's actually a older children's book - I've been reading a lot of those in the last year. I'm trying to keep tabs on what my kids are reading, for one thing, but often these books are a good read. In this story a young boy discovers a world under New York City and has many adventures as he tries to go home. It's full of action, drama and great family values. It's set up so that there could possibly be a sequel, so I'm going to be on the look-out for that.
On another note - a friend called me up yesterday and said there was a call in program on the radio dealing with older children living at home. So I tuned in for a while (I don't usually listen to popular radio - CBC doesn't seem to have so many commerials!) Anyways, what I came away with was how important the independence issue was to the people being called in to. It was stressed over and over that children need to learn to live on their own, make their own decisions, fend for themselves etc. It just rubbed me the wrong way. Sure, that is all true to a certain degree. You don't want them constantly having to look to their parents for assurance. But I think that you can give your children the tools they need to be able to buy a car, get housing, make daily decisions etc. without them having to be pushed out of the nest completely. It's very much a cultural issue. In many cultures children live at home until they marry or even after they marry. And they seem to be well-adjusted. It's all in your attitude.
If my older kids want to move out and get their own place, I'm happy to help them in that transition. But I'm just as happy to have them here having new experiences outside the home, but with the reassurance that there is always a safe haven to come back to. It's almost guaranteed that they will be on their own SOME DAY - why do we think that it has to be immediately that they reach that magic age of 18 or 19?
On another note - a friend called me up yesterday and said there was a call in program on the radio dealing with older children living at home. So I tuned in for a while (I don't usually listen to popular radio - CBC doesn't seem to have so many commerials!) Anyways, what I came away with was how important the independence issue was to the people being called in to. It was stressed over and over that children need to learn to live on their own, make their own decisions, fend for themselves etc. It just rubbed me the wrong way. Sure, that is all true to a certain degree. You don't want them constantly having to look to their parents for assurance. But I think that you can give your children the tools they need to be able to buy a car, get housing, make daily decisions etc. without them having to be pushed out of the nest completely. It's very much a cultural issue. In many cultures children live at home until they marry or even after they marry. And they seem to be well-adjusted. It's all in your attitude.
If my older kids want to move out and get their own place, I'm happy to help them in that transition. But I'm just as happy to have them here having new experiences outside the home, but with the reassurance that there is always a safe haven to come back to. It's almost guaranteed that they will be on their own SOME DAY - why do we think that it has to be immediately that they reach that magic age of 18 or 19?
1 comment:
Good points, Maureen! After I phoned you to tell you about the radio program, I got a telephone call and missed most of the program. Oh well. What I did hear was that most of the guests and the host had great relationships with their older children, which was very positive! But you're right, people do freak out over having older children living at home. I think if the children aren't living responsibly, there is a lot of stress. Anyway, this is a great topic! My computer is down, which is why I didn't check my gmail earlier. Welcome to "Blogland"!! I'm so excited you have joined!!
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